Thoughts.

This is a new section of the a life once lost page created to give the members of the band a decent place to express themselves and to aid in having their opinions on various subjects heard and considered. Feedback would also be appreciated. Enjoy.

I have, for a long time now, suspected that there was something wrong with the American justice system, and it wasn't until yesterday that i really got to see it first- hand for the first time. i don't even know where to begin. i guess i'll start with the background. i live in a small town called feasterville which is right on the border of northeast philadelphia, and in our town there was guy that was known to almost everybody. his name is john, the bum, as everyone called him. he had a long, scruffy beard, dirty clothes, and he always looked like he just came from fixing 10 cars. no one knew if he had a house, but it turns out he did, but i'll get to that. i guess he's what you call a mockery around here, because everyone woud always scream, "yo what's up john?" when he would stroll by in the streets as he always did. Well a few days ago, i heard in school that john was dead. in the newspaper it read he was found in his house, and the police believe he fell off of a loading dock because he had bruises on him, and must have died over night when he got home (i'm not positive of the exact details but it is somehting along those lines). Well, i heard in school that john got beat up the night before his death... beaten severly. well yesterday, i was at work and it just happens that i work with the sheriff from around here, so i asked him about john. he said he did hear about it, and that when they found him, he had bruises all over his body and all of his fingers were broken etc. while this was going on there was a customer who overheard what we were talking about and came up and asked what we were talking about. so when we talked to him he told us he's been best friends with john for years and he was devastated, but the shocking thing he told us was that he witnessed john getting beaten the night before, and it happened in the front yard of the girl who was there(at my work) also. Meanwhile, the sheriff told me that the cops probably DID know about the beatings but they didn't want to reveal it to the public because it would make our community look bad. (and you know that could lead to people wanting to move away from our area and/or houses not being bought in our area). so then i asked the sheriff if there was going to be an investigation on the case since it was prettty clear that john probably died of wounds from the night before, and he said probably not because the police most likely do not have time to deal with it!!!! I was devastated!!!!! a man was probably killed because he was beaten to death, and just because he is low in the "class systen" and he was not the cleanest person and did not have the nicest house or car, he would not get an investigation on his death. i just don't understand. is it his fault that he was the way he was? maybe, maybe not, but the point is is that the police would only care about doing an investigation if the person dead was "important," which john obviously was not to them. anyway, yes this is messed up and i really can not do anything about it, but the thing that makes me so mad was that they hid the real facts from the public, and there was a witness who told me the whole thing first hand.

- Vadim

alright. i know i haven't written anything for this page yet, but there is good reasoning behind it. for one, i cant write. two, i couldnt think of anything to write about. and three, my mom is the most psycho-bitch and i never have the time for since she is so psycho about school. i mean im lucky im able to be in this band let alone two of them. im extremley lucky when im able to play weekday shows. she seriously is the anchor to this band. she holds us back from doing so many things. hopefully touring this summer will be cool with her. anyway thats enough wasted thought and space for her. so, yeah ive finally found something i think is decent enough to write about. so here it goes. when we were playing on the second day of the 20 min. fest (which i have to say was awesome. props to tommy and pete on putting that together. hopefully no more fights next time. good show boys.)i realized something. i mean normally,when we play,watching doug turn into satan, bob bleeding on the floor, vadim taking care of the technicalities, and rich pouncing on innocent people doesnt phase me at all. it just makes me play harder and flip out along with them. but this time, for reasons beyond me i noticed the people in the crowd. i dont think i have ever really done that before, but anyway. there were people dancing to our chugga-chugga parts and grins on peoples faces. some of the grins were grins of fear of richs bass swinging past their face. i see grins of shock when its someones first time seeing us. after noticing all of this i realize to myself that this is it. this is where my happiness is. this where i somehow know i belong. i feel so at home here in this scene playing music and meeting new people and having so many friends and people who care about me. i love seeing the same faces coming out and enjoyinig us somehow. i love seeing the same people i know as friends come up to me after we play, shake my hand, and say,"awesome as always TJ" or "fucking incredible man!" and all of this makes me forget whats currently going wrong in my life. i feel comfort in knowing that the friends ive made doing this will be there for me to talk to and to take care of me somehow. though sometimes impossible they make me forget about my bitch mom. i feel bad when i think about all the people in my school who mold themselves inot something that's excepted by others or the higher social rank. braging about how drunk they got and that they almost died from alcohol poisoning the previous night, but if thats what makes the happy then more power to them. but i know, here, trying to "fit in" doesnt mean much more that shit. though i am happy i still feel bad for wasted lives. so thats all i have to say for now. hopefully i can think something up for another thought on this page. i hope everyone is happy i finally wrote something and maybe pete will get off my back about it too.

rock'n'roll

- TeeJay

We were driving to pick up rich and tj the ther day for practice when i noticed something that made me so sick. a woman in the car with a baby in the back. a regular scenario right? of course the woman had a cigarette in her hand and the window was slightly open. what i realized was how selfish people in general are. everyone knows how harmful cigarettes are to health. i'm sur ethe woman knew that it's not good to smoke while the baby is in the backseat. but, do you think she really even thought about it? i'm guessing probably not. then we wonder why is it that most people grow up to be addicted to the tobacco industry...well look at this scenario. for the first 15 years of a child's life he/she can't drive and because of teh mother/father's selfish needs for a cigarette that child is exposed to 15 years of second hand smoke. and this is just in the car...what about at home? i've seen it so many times that people just smoke up the house so bad that the reak is unstandable, and they get ammune to it, not even noticing all the smoke that travels through their home. all because a cigarette to please yourself is more important to you then the health of your born creation.

- XvadimX

ok bob thought it would be funny to write that thing on the page so i'm going to clarify by what i meant. we ARE a hardcore band. maybe not in the musical sense since like you said we have finger tapping and "death growles." but do you really kno what a metal band is? metal is nothing like hardcore as an idea. if we were a metal band, i don't think we would tour since most metal bands have problems finding friend metal bands. what "scene" are we in? who do we play for? who likes us? it is all hardcor ekids like us. i'm sure most people who listen to pantera, slayer, cannibal corpse, deicide, etc..have no idea who converge is, or cave in , or for the love of. so what i'm trying to say is that the idea of hardcore is what i meant by a hardcore band. there are so many things different about hardcore than metal, and by the way none of us have long hair or mullets.

- vadim

ok here it goes. i have noticed that there is a small group of people who have decided that attending the wonderful shows that some of the nicest people i have had the privilege of meeting have taken their precious time energy and money to put on. now the point of this is to express my anger towards the few individuals . it seems to me that they attend the shows to be deemed "cool" or "popular" and they could care less about the music that we pour endless hours writing. We put our hearts and souls into our live performance and they make it seem like a joke. People like this are the reason i became interested in the independant music scene to get away from the drooling masses condemned to live there lives listening to matchbox twenty and playing drinking games when there parents go away for the weekends. and this is exactly what theses "people" are .They make it seem like a joke. they make me want to stop everything i do. They make it seem like a new trend to be cool with or something else to brag about in front of there lockers on monday morning ...i know i am going to catch alot of shit for this but i think its better i express my self this way thank you........

- rich

I am listening to method man and playing on the computer. the usual monday night! haha. anyway, i want to say FUCK OFF. this is for the people you need to talk about me, when i am not even in the same room. doing this for your enjoyment, that is bull-shit. stop. this is my life, i will do what i want to do. you have enough things to worry about with your life. so, again, i am asking very nicely, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

thanx.

- bob

people always ask me how i go about writing. so i am going to explain in a short little piece here. most of the songs i write are from personal experiences in my life. i am only twenty years old but i have yet to see friends or family pass away. that is a good thing (knock on wood). we have seven songs now and if you want, i can threw them all but i will just talk about three of them.

--why do you make me bleed-- i wrote this when i was hooking up with this one girl. she ended up going make with her abusive boyfriend. i would talk to her and everything i was going threw would just go away. she made me happy and very few girls i have been with could. unil she told me that she didn't want to see me anymore, i wrote this. "i crave your kiss, i crave your touch" i wrote this in a card i was going to give her but i just burned it instead.

--almost perfect but i failed-- this is about me getting close to every girl i met and her turning and walking away. i guess i shouldn't rush in. i dunno. i have the tendency to do that. and then when i meet a girl, i turn on her. it is wierd. "i wish i was the symbol of passion that fills your eye"

thanx.

- bob

well, this was my idea for this page and i have let vadim have enough fun so here is my two cents on the subject that relates with god knows what. i am just free typing here so if i offend anyone, awesome!

ok, this is kinda funny in a way but vadim might get mad at this. during tour, this day forward and others totured vadim by saying we were a metal band. vadim keeps thinking that we are a hardcore band. now we need your help, what the hell are we besides gay? do hardcore bands have death growls? do hardcore bands finger tap? well, the fingers are pointing toward metal so far. do we have old school circle pits? do we have sing alongs? nah... so i think we are metal. ok.

i am done.

- bob

Well i have another subject that i wanted to write about. i hope this doesn't offend anybody. I was not raised to any religion. my parents have always said and considered themselves Jewish but throughout my childhood i have never been to a synoguage, to hebrew school, or any personal religious ocasion at all. so maybe it was the way i was brought up or just in my personal opinion, i have no belief whatsoever in god or religion. what bothers me is the view of some Christians. I have a friend that i have been talking to for more than four years now. we would every week, or month write letters to each other in the mail because she lived far and we had no way of getting together and hanging out. she had always knew my view on religion, but about a year ago i got a letter her telling me that she has found god. she attends church and youth group regularly and considers herself a True christian. i got my license about a year ago also, so i drove up to see her a few times. we talked about the religion issue a lot and she didn't understand the fact that i was not at all interested in religion, and i think the conversation ended in her sayig that if i do not find god i will go to hell. the thing that really makes me mad about people who do things like that is that they completely separate themselves from "nonbelievers" or try to get everyone to god. this is upsetting to me in so many ways: we do not talk, write, or see each other at all anymore except for an occasional call or visit. i truthfully don't know for a fact if it is because of the religion issue but i think that that might be a big part of it. another thing that her and another christian girl in my speech class mentioned was that they would not date or marry anyone who is not a christian. the reason for this supposedly was that "they would bring me down, and keep my attention away from the one i need to love the most: god." this just sickens me. just because someone doesn't have a certain belief as you, you would go so far as to descriminate against entire groups of people. this is just as bad as a white saying i will not date/marry a black because he/she is black. it just doesn't make sense to me. the last thing about that is christians who are into like metal/hardcore/punk etc. they say they love music let's say they like strongarm (great band), why? they were on tooth and nail records...am mostly christian band label. you ask them well...do you liek one king down, shai hulud, eyelid...etc. and they'll say no. why? they are not christian bands. after all don't you like bands for the music? how can you not like a band that sounds exactly like another but just because they are not a christian band. this goes the same for hardcore and punk bands. finally, the last thing is i work at taco bell. the job is near my house and i do not have my own car so i really don't have much of a choice especially since i get payed pretty well for being there so long. i do not eat meat, and i have no problem whatsoever with people who choose to eat meat but what really bothers me are some Indians who come in. in some indian religions, it is said that when you are reborn, you can be reincarnated into another animal, so you would think followers of this belief would be vegetarian right? wrong. most indians come in and order all of this stuff with no meat, but beans instead, and then they go on to order chicken items. it doesn't make sense to me. are cows that much better? you are still eating an animal. so, my conclusion that i have come to looking over various religions is that people make what they want of it according to the times (look how many times the bible, etc., were rewritten.) so where are the original values of religion? there are none. everything changes with the times. all of this that i have written might be wrong, but this is just the way i see it. if anyone reads this please write back to me and let me know what you think, please do not take this personally if you are religious.

- vadim

hey, i guess i will be starting the page, and the reason why i'm going to be doing this is there are lots of things that i want to talk about, and i'd like people to write back and tell me what they think or if they have another opinion, anything is fine, anyway. The main thing that i wanted to talk about this time was something that i've seen my whole life, and its happening again. There are people who you talk to a lot, and you hang out with, and that you trust and depend on, and they are called your friends. what i don't understand is why "friends" talk about their friends' behind thier backs. i don't mean like bringing them up in conversation, or just saying an opinion about them, or even joking around and saying something, but really saying bad things about your friends. i don't get it. if you're going to say things why not say it about people you don't like, or i guess if you don't like your "friend" that you are talking about, then it's plain and simple: DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU ARE THEIR FIREND. You don't know that if people find out their supposed friends are talking about them ,and its very upsetting because then they don't know who to trust or who really is someone close to you. so what i just wanted to say was if someone is pretending that they are friends with somebody else and then going and talking behind their back, just save yourself the trouble. i'm sure they can do without you. this isn't aimed at anyone in particular, so if anybody wants they can write me and tell me what they think. when i have new subjects i will put a new one up. thanks for reading.

- vadim . a life once lost.